What MLK Taught Me About How to Be a Dad
“We don’t take black money.”
Those were the cruel words my father-in-law, Dr. Little, heard when he was a young man at a public golf course in 1959.
He left his cash on the counter, turned around, and walked out the door to go play a round of golf.
Later, he and his friends were escorted away by police for playing on a “whites only” course. Rather than exploding into a violent rage, as many others would have done, Dr. Little stayed calm and held his head high during his arrest.
That highly publicized event and his example of a dignified man were instrumental in the future of the golf course, which would be integrated a few years later.
On MLK Day, I find myself reflecting on my father-in-law’s story. I am also reminded that Dr. King’s famous “I have a dream” speech was about being a father. It was about envisioning the future he wanted for his children, and then working to make that dream a reality.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character,” he said.
We can all learn something from Dr. King, Dr. Little, and Championship Fathers across the globe …
More important than a man’s circumstances—his race, his socioeconomic status, his custodial or marital situation—is the way in which he handles his circumstances and envisions the future.
Do you model self-control? Do you remain calm and rational, even when others are becoming bitter … perhaps even violent? Can you hold your head high because you know you are acting like the dignified man you want your children to see?
Do you communicate to your children that the world is a good place and that the future is bright and colorful?
Or do you act as though the world is a bleak place to live?
When I think about what other fathers—black, white, Asian, Latino, poor, rich, married, divorced—have been through, I am motivated to hold the mantle just as high and to walk with dignity.
I am reminded to be mindful about what my children see through my eyes and how they envision the future.
What are your deepest longings for the world in which your children grow up? How do you want them to see you? The future?
The documentary “Divorce Corp” estimates divorce to be a 50-billion dollar a year industry. With little oversight, lawyers are incentivized to keep their clients in court to make as much money as possible.
“When you have money, when you have assets, and when you have big income these big firms have absolutely positively no interest in resolving your case, even if you want to,” lawyer John W. Thatcher said in recordings obtained exclusively by PIX11.
Thatcher is a lawyer based in Clinton, N.J., who’s been practicing family law for more than 40 years. PIX11 News called and emailed Thatcher for comment, but he did not respond. In the phone recordings, Thatcher describes a system where lawyers keep their clients in the system as long as possible to reap big profits – a process known as churning.
“Everybody in the matrimonial business, all the lawyers are buddies,” Thatcher said during the phone call. “Everybody knows everybody. So if you and I are opposing matrimonial lawyers and Joe Schmo comes in with millions of dollars, you and I are like, you and I go back to the Mercedes dealership and buy another car. We know we’re going to make huge dollars and we work it with each other that way.”
Rachel Alintoff knows that system all too well. She said she lost custody of her son, who has been diagnosed with autism, when he was 2 years old without a hearing. That decision was overturned, but last year New Jersey Courts stripped her of custody again. Now she has a RICO lawsuit against Gov. Chris Christie and the State of New Jersey to change the process.
“From the moment that I stepped into the Family Court System in Monmouth County New Jersey, I was shocked at how little justice I was given,” Alintoff said.
“If you step into the family court system, you can guarantee that if you don’t have deep pockets or a politically connected law firm, you are going to have your constitutional rights denied and your civil liberties ignored,” Alintoff added.
The FCLU estimates that Alintoff’s is one of 50,000 families in the tri-state area affected by a broken family court system. Roberts said children often become pawns in the system because each state receives federal funding for every dollar of child support collected.
“So in many cases, child support is determined, child custody is determined by who is going to transfer the most money in child support and the state gets the most money,” Roberts said.
PIX11 News reached out to New Jersey Courts and asked to sit down with any of the presiding judges from the family division, but they denied our request citing the Code of Judicial Conduct. However, a spokesperson for the New Jersey Court System told us the state receives 66 percent reimbursement for the cost of collecting child support.
But exactly how that money is spent is unclear.
Former attorney Susan Settenbrino and author of the book “Unchecked Power Guide: The Entrenched Power and Politics in the New York State Court System” said that’s because the disciplinary committees are not doing their jobs.
“There is no meaningful oversight or accountability within our court system,” said Settenbrino. “Not over the $2 billion budget, not over the manner in which judges and attorneys behave. And it’s really gotten to the point where we have, I believe, a very dangerous system that is compromising the lives of the families.”
New Jersey Courts also pointed us to a study that shows 91 percent of divorce cases in New Jersey are closed within 12 months. But Settenbrino said families shouldn’t be there in the first place.
“The family should never have to go through a court system because what’s going on is their being destroyed economically, emotionally, mentally, and for what?” she said.
So with so much at stake, Roberts said the reform needs to come from a higher power.
“The federal government needs to step in and make corrective actions just as they did with the Veteran’s Hospital Administration Association. It is not going to be solved at the state level because they are all in cahoots,” Roberts said.
The FCLU has filed a complaint about the system with the Federal Trade Commission. PIX11 News reached out to the FTC for comment, but a spokesperson told us they could not comment on ongoing cases.