in Entry #5, we talked about the Tipping Point and how the most powerful thing that we can all do to stamp out family legal abuse, even if you’re where I was a year ago, homeless and living with your kids in a car, is to spread, spread, spread the word and organize, organize, organize.
However, in the past, you may have been trying to have an intelligent conversation with someone about family rights when they say something truly asinine, such as:
“Well, someone has to pay for all those deadbeats.”
Say, what? What does something that happened in someone else’s family situation, in someone else’s life, have to do with me? Even if there are millions of authentic deadbeats out there (and, there’s not, but even if there were), that’s not a justification to indenture me and kidnap my children.
If you try to ask what “all those deadbeats” have to do with you and your children, the ignoramus will probably spout some pseudo-intellectual claptrap, replete with circumlocution, about how the status quo (i.e. family legal abuse) somehow works out to the betterment of society in the big scheme.
This is just one of the many ignorant things that you probably have encountered while trying to get through to people. Well, for all their pseudo-intellectual attempts at philosophical fencing, there are two things you have going for you that cannot be overcome with fancy words and a smug attitude, two things that absolutely grind any opposition to a halt. These two things simply cannot be argued with. They can, of course, be denied, but that’s different. They cannot be argued with.
One of these things was covered in Entries #3 and #4, Our Rights as Parents (Parts I and II). Our rights, of course, can not be debated. They are self-evident. Check out Entries #3 and #4 if you haven’t already.
The second thing is your testimony.
What’s your testimony? It’s what you and your children have lived. It can’t be debated. YouLIVED it! It can be denied. You can be called a liar, but you can’t be debated. You LIVEDit!
So, when I tell people about living in a car, homeless, as a single parent family of four, in spite of having a full-time job because so-called “child support” did not leave us with enough money to pay rent. When I talk about crying as a grown man while I put my children’s beloved toys in a dumpster as we downsized our worldly belongings so that we could fit them into a car instead of an apartment, that’s my family’s testimony. We lived it.
When I talk about sitting on my then-5-year-old’s bed at 3:30am watching him try to sleep as he practically coughed up a lung, knowing that so-called “child support” had made my bank account negative so that I couldn’t even go to the store to get him cough syrup, it’s my testimony. All I could do was wonder if he was really serious enough to take to an emergency room, knowing that if I did, that would cause ANOTHER financial crisis.
No one can debate these things. They are testimony. They were lived, and that’s powerful!
I have even given my testimony to so-called “child support” workers over the phone when I have had occasion to have to communicate with them. Once, one of them even said she was “sorry my family had to go through that”. Yes! It really happened ladies and gentlemen. The lady actually said she was sorry. (But, I hope, since all those phone calls are recorded by her Orwellian masters, I hope she didn’t get in trouble for expressing some humanity.)
No one can argue with your testimony.
I know other people’s testimonies that include:
- Being sent to prison simply for having Parkinson’s disease. (This man used to make six-figures, but his disease advanced until he was 100% disabled and unable to work. His case’s judge refused to lower the victim’s so-called “child support” so-called “obligation” by even one penny.)
- Being told by Family (dis)-Services themselves that they don’t care if your children cannot go to school if they suspend your driver’s license.
- Being told by Family (dis)-Services themselves that they don’t care if your children’s mother now has a live-in, violent felon boyfriend, because all they want is their money. Yes! They actually said this!
- Being imprisoned without actually committing a crime in case after case after case after case.
- Being homeless and sleeping in a truck (in spite of having full-time work) in the middle of the winter at below-freezing temperatures. At least, in my own case, it was seven of the warmer months of the year. The man I am referring to now was doing it in January!
So, when people want to debate, when they want to argue, don’t! Just give them your testimony.
Don’t take the bait to debate! Just give them your testimony. The only way they can fight your testimony is to accuse you of lying and that just makes THEM look bad.
So, remember, keep discussions about you and your children’s rights and your testimonies, and you can’t lose.
Ultimately, it will be the sheer weight of our combined testimonies as a persecuted underclass that will finally topple the Berlin Wall of Family Legal Abuse that has been erected by the courts between us and our children, between us and our life’s earnings.
I will traveling to Jefferson City, Missouri this summer to visit with state legislators and those august individuals need to see YOUR testimonies by the thousands! By the tens of thousands! They need to be buried in dump trucks of them! If you have even a little time, send your testimony to firstname.lastname@example.org.
You’re doing all of us and your children a favor when you do.
Reach me anytime at: email@example.com
Source: Entry #6: The Power of Your Testimony, or, How to Win an Argument with an Opponent of Family Rights Every Time | The Butterfly Dad Blog
In an effort to bring attention to the pandemic of male domestic violence victims and female abusers, we will concurrently publish an In His Own Words post on both AVoiceForMen and Shrink4Men every day in October. These posts will be from men who are or have been victims of domestic violence.
Heterosexual men aren’t the only invisible domestic violence victims. The two other populations that are also egregiously ignored are individuals in same sex relationships and the transgendered. We welcome your stories, too.
If you would like to share your story about domestic violence, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. We are looking for written narratives and/or audio or video recordings that describe or illustrate the abuse you have suffered. If you have an audio or video file of your wife, girlfriend, ex, etc., in the midst of an abusive episode, we will publish those as well.
Please adhere to the following guidelines:
- Limit written testaments to no more than 2000 words and send as a Microsoft Word Document.
- Use paragraph breaks, spellcheck, etc.
- Please send video/audio recordings in a format that can be readily uploaded to YouTube.
- If you send and audio/video recording, also provide a written description of the file (i.e., the circumstances leading up to the abuse episode).
- Edit out identifying information before sending Word, video or audio files.
- If your abuse case is already a matter of public record (e.g., in a newspaper or online publication), you may use identifying information.
- Use DV AWARENESS SUBMISSION in the subject header of your email.
Due to time constraints, we may not be able to use submissions that require a great deal of editing, so please try to have your materials in the best shape possible before sending.
Additionally, please consider including some of the following in your submissions:
- Who is or was your abuser? Wife, girlfriend, fiancée, ex, grandmother, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, etc.?
- How long did the abuse go on?
- What kind of abuse? Emotional, physical, parental alienation, financial, smear campaigns, stalking, false allegations of abuse, sexual, falsely obtained restraining order and other abuse via the courts and law enforcement, etc.?
- When did you realize what you were experiencing was abuse?
- Did you have difficulty believing you were being abused? If so, why?
- Did you tell anyone you were being abused? Friends, family, therapist, clergy, police? What was their reaction?
- If you were physically abused and called the police, what happened? If you did not call the police, why didn’t you?
- What is your message to other men and boys who are being abused?
DAHMW would like some help creating activism posters to offer for download on AVoiceForMen for everyone who participates in poster campaigns. If have poster creation skills, please contact us at the same email address listed above.